I spent the last (several) days in Houston, and Katy, Texas. First visiting Amy, really down in Webster/Clear Lake by NASA, hanging out at her apartment and the pool; down to Galveston for a day; viewing The Incredible Hulk at a theater where a waitress (actually like three waitresses and a waiter) served us dinner during the movie; shopping for a wedding present, some legos at the newly opened Baybrook Mall Store, a tie, and of course I bought a few books, before we drove up to Katy, TX. It is there that my eldest paternal cousin, Kelli Johnson, married Justin Davis. (The photo above can be clicked to see a bunch of photographs from the wedding, or just click here for the full set. ) It is also there that Amy, Katie, and I saw Wall•E, and I got to see much of my family and other such things.

However, I am glad to be back in Pittsburgh, catching up on e-mails and meetings and work related things, as well as friends here. Now I just need to get some sort of functioning version of Reading to the Rain up so that I can post the seven books I read on the trip.

There was a time when I told everyone I knew (who used Windows) that they needed to switch to Firefox. Needed. Those days have been over for a while, though I still tend to include it when helping people set up their windows boxes, it is just no longer such a necessity. Internet Explorer though I may be reluctant to admit it has become a much stronger browser. There were the days, back when Fire*bird* & Mozilla existed as two distinct products, when I would use both and thought the dinosaur was silly, when some days I would switch to Opera just to check it out play with the zooming and switch back, and when IE was simply intolerable.

Then Safari happened. And I was really excited and life was great except Safari wasn’t. I mean, it was alright, tolerable, it had tabs – right? But it needed some time. Safari 2 was better. Safari 3 is pretty amazing. I have used it consistently since the first beta I could get, and haven’t even thought about switching. Which is what I did back in the Safari 1 & 2 days, every few months, Safari, Camino, Opera, Firefox, it was a carousel of browsers that changed like the seasons, except faster.

Well the carousel is still spinning and Firefox 3 came out at 1pm Tuesday. And for the next 24 hours they promoted Download Day — and as part of the new hype published this chart (which can be viewed at firefox.com with safari):

And so this made me mad. Real mad actually so this is where the hate comes on. The thing is though, it made other people mad too, and some of them say it better than I can. The short version here, is that this chart is … well a lie, or huge slant at best. I know that this was probably put together by some marketing people to make the browser look amazing (infact they really only made one chart – the only difference between the v. safari chart with the v. internet explorer chart is “Battle-tested …” is changed to simply “Superior speed and performance”) but could they not have filled the obviously one-sided chart with things that Firefox is actually better at … like sean here did.

And the features I actually care about, such as maybe say web standards, maybe CSS3 functionality. How are they doing with that? Not well. (again said better – and this is really worth the read) (for those of you who aren’t going to read that whole link Safari & Opera both passed the Acid3 test – web standards – almost immediately, racing to finish, while Mozilla complained they were too busy with their product cycle(!) to deal with … web standards).

Well, when I start choosing my browser based on the number of downloads it gets (which PS is not a measure of usage, if I was a cult follower I would dl it fifty times too) and certainly not by if it has an entry in the guinness book of world records (doesn’t that pair it with some sort of deformed child and some extremely obese man) but possibly by the features and support it has. Firefox, I had thought was at one point about making the best web browser (or at least taking on the monopoly … Safari with its no more than five percent marketshare really a glowing target now?) and it just seems like they have left that behind and are now all about the publicity. Then again, maybe if they make the back button a little bigger, I will be won over.

Getting their act together, they pulled together a second half which is respectable and sends some people back off in the right directions. Sure there is more awkward bickering between Starbuck & Adama, Adama & Roslin, Roslin & Starbuck (and seriously did anyone actually think that either of them were going to shoot the other?), really Starbuck & everyone, and then of course between the cylons, the real ones. Then we also have our human-variant cylons who are still hanging out and having meetings (anyone notice that cylons absolutely love meetings).

But the coolest parts of this episode (as is seemingly more and more often the case) take place away from humanity. The internal cylon struggles are just more interesting, debates on cruelty to lesser species, removing and adding sentience, and some sort of crazy voting structure that … I haven’t yet figured out. So the future here looks bright, and maybe just maybe I can start hoping they will un-box Xena.

I have always liked Newegg.com, but they have recently provided me with more specific reasons for a sort of logical admiration.

As mentioned earlier in technical diagrams I decided to purchase the components of a new computer (more on that tomorrow once it gets built for reals). I ordered most of these parts from Newegg – though not all, they didn’t have the video card I wanted, and the case was cheaper at ZipZoomFly – and they shipped and all was happy. But then Amy pointed out to me that the Intel E8400 (45nm – Penryn) was much better than the E6850 that I had ordered, and had shipped! And it was also sixty dollars cheaper.

So, I ordered the new-better-cheaper processor as well, and figured when the E6850 got here, I would send it back to Newegg using this magical RMA process that I have never quite understood, but could try out. So last week I sit down to fill out said magical RMA form and Newegg’s website informs me that I cannot because it has been seven days from date of purchase! Oh no. (Seriously guys, if I have one complaint, seven days from date of purchase, that is faster than I eat dinner most days.)

So … I decide I will call Newegg and complain and attempt to explain it just got to my house and I was only twelve hours over (true that) and I ordered another processor from them and I love them — when I realized that they had a live chat with a representative option. I figured I would give it a try even though it was likely one in the morning, and sure enough there was a representative. Ruby.

And within twenty-one lines of chat (most of which were cute littler verbose me — 12/21) and fifteen minutes, she had issued my RMA, had an e-mail with the printing label in my inbox, and waived the restocking fee. Fifteen minutes, no phones, no waiting, and my ideal solution, delivered to my inbox.

Thus, my love.

Today things became brown and red and gold (can I call that gold, I really want to) because it is almost February. In less than a week we will be greeted by the second month of 2008 and that makes me feel brown and red and gold all over.

That is a lie, the real reason this changed is because making websites is a stress reliever for me and I needed some of that tonight. Also the last design had been up since November 5th, 2007, and well eighty-one days is enough.

If you are reading this through a feed reader or facebook you cannot see these new colors. You cannot note how perfectly these colors align both with the There Will Be Blood. post and also with the new spinning background image.

Finally that new kaleidoscoped background image. Identify it and win a really super awesome fun prize. I don’t know what the prize is, I don’t even have it yet. But figure out what that is and comment, or contact me, or something. First person correct wins, maybe everyone with the right answer wins. (hint: it’s gonna be hard)

This movie is just lovely.

I want to say more about this but I am not quite ready to. This movie in a lot of ways is still sinking in. I almost want to go see it again, except there are so many movies that exist and I haven’t yet seen The Diving Bell & The Butterfly.

For now I will simply say that I wish they would have left his son’s name at “Bunny” as it is in Sinclair’s Oil, not the much more boring H.W.

I am obsessed.

The past three months have been waiting, the past two weeks compulsive reading, the past few days have been scanning forums, refreshing feed readers, and searching for news articles I haven’t yet seen, or seen quoted.

This all ends at noon, or maybe that is just the peak. Noon will bring my biannual opening of an irc client, safari with a tab for each blog that will be updating live, and an hour of watching, reading, smiling, and sending out myriad updates to anyone and everyone over aim & email.

I won’t make predictions here, I won’t claim to know what is going to happen, I have my guesses, but I will likely be happier if wrong. Yes, I certainly hope for a new MacBook Pro, which if released will ideally be ordered as soon as I can convince the advisors that I am a very good and deserving graduate student.

People can call me a fanboy or a fanatic or other likely worse things, that don’t even necessarily start with fan, but it really doesn’t matter. This happens twice a year and it is good to know that I can be passionate about something, even if it is the products of a single technology company, a company like every other, which will someday not exist. But as long as it can keep my (seemingly constant) attention I will keep Aluminum-Fruit-In-The-Air Inc. as my obsession, my cherished, my high-school crush.

For today.

(image by Living The American Dream via flickr)

Winter is a good time to clean your house plants of dust that may have accumulated on the leaves.

This is what we learn from Miss Living The American Dream. Winter, which we seem to have entered is the time for removing the dust of the year off the leaves of our houseplants. Is houseplants one word or two? Are houseplants flora that reside in one’s home or factories for the creation of residences? Have you ever felt more alive yesterday than you do right now?

Relevancy is being determined by the social or by the machine; I can only be a servant to the choices of either machination. And as forces are driving me in directions diluted less by space than by xxxx, abstraction is all you can recieve today. That and a blown out photo of the future of distraction.

Though to be honest–which is said when one is normally a liar, and is trying to separate this lie from the more mundane lies across the career of a liar–the whole point is clearly drawn in the title.

Weddings seem to be all the rage.

I fear I may have entered a time in my life where many of my friends, close relatives, random acquaintances, and complete strangers will marry and I will attend. This summer my first paternal cousin married, and this experience along with a number of conversations focused on the concept and practicality of marriage, in concord with discussion of upcoming weddings has led to what became this post.

Over the past months I have collected a short series of notes and general pieces of advice for those planning or considering some matrimony in their own lives.

These notes are mostly my opinions, other people’s opinions, or complete lies, and as sarcasm is my truth – it is unlikely you should follow these instructions, unless you are seriously insane or looking for a good time.

In Regard To Planning

• If you are going to pick a date that has some trivial numerical significance such as July 7th of the year 2007, remember that our calendar was quite arbitrarily started and your thirty-eight thousand closest friends likely had the same trivial idea. Note today is the eleventh of November, or 11/11 which I think makes today full of super specialness!
• It has been suggested that the best time for a wedding is in autumn or winter. Spring and summer are both highly frowned upon. Especially summer, it is just too hot so please stop doing that.
• The area where the wedding reception should be held should be relatively close to the location of the wedding itself. And by close – I mean walking distance, the walk can however, be lengthy if it is an interesting walk. This will remove the awkward hour where the guests must fumble around in their cars or arrive ridiculously early. Currently I am recommending museums for receptions, that way if the people are boring, there is still something interesting to look at.
• Photo-shoots between the wedding and reception are frowned upon and you can do that before hand. Seeing the bride really isn’t that bad, you like looking at her, that is why you are getting married.
• Churches are hard to find these days, it seems all the good ones are shutting down. However many other buildings are just as pretty, and some people like modern architecture. Consider art galleries, museums, science centers, historical landmarks, libraries, universities, or the spectacular outdoors.
• A suitable altar (or backdrop for the ceremony for those of you who were unable to find a church or are heathens) should be found, I recommend little backlighting from stained glass, a solid color/texture, and a non-reflective surface (for example, the above … do you have any idea what is going on there?).
• Also it is expected that the altar is raised about four feet, what is even more useful is stadium seating and the best: stadium seating where the aisle is raised or spaced so that as the wedding party walks down the aisle, everyone can see them (free popcorn, not allowed).

Guests

• Guests should be invited in at least the following ratio: For every guest invited more than ten years above your (bride/groom) age, two must be invited that are your age. (Note the mean age of the wedding should be no more than ten years above the age of the older of bride/groom)
• Guests will be expected to dance at the reception when the dancing occurs. This hinges on the average age of attendees being low. In an exhaustive array of measured samples less than 10% of people over 60 years of age have been shown to dance (vigorously), yet even that 10% tires quickly.
• Some say it is necessary that all guests will be expected to speak English, if they cannot speak English than they will be expected to become highly intoxicated and sing karaoke (if English is not the native language of the bride/groom or the wedding is being held in another country please swap out English in this statement with your language of choice).

Choices

• Picking meal options is difficult and for best results a buffet of varying ethnic cuisines is recommended. If you must have guests pick their meal at RSVP, make sure the choices are specific, with lists of ingredients. Never should an option be simply called “Vegetarian” unless the only other option is simply called “Slab of Meat.”
• I want my readings to be chosen from novels, with variety. I want the congregation to be familiar with the characters. I want them to laugh and I want them to cry.
• Normal Christian type psalms and music of that variety is fine. I feel like Classical is appropriate. Phantom of the Opera songs are near the line. ABBA is over the line. Bjork is highly recommended.
• For some reason at wedding the Catholic Church (and maybe others? I am suffering a lack of experience here) actually steps back and does not have people walk around with collection baskets picking up the expected twenty dollar bill (recommended?) per family. I don’t know why this is, if they are going to do it every Sunday, they might as well do it at a wedding. I recommend having this done, and requesting a cut, probably something like seventy percent, fifty if you are more religious.
• The wedding should have a program guide, possibly with instructions, and the names of attendees and their relationships. Also it should provide short bios and pictures, especially of the guests who are single. This will be useful at the reception.
• The wedding should also have a website, a videocast, and probably a live blog. I expect up to the minute updates for those who could not attend: “Oh oh, she tripped walking up the aisle a little, but I think I am the only one who noticed (me and the whole interwebs).

The Rehersal & Occumpanying Dinner

• This is going to be the biggest day of your lives, make it a production.
• Practice twice, and real practicing, like get your full pretend on. I expect the readers to read and the vows to be said.
• The rehersal dinner should only be moderately good. This will cause the wedding to be even more pleasant in comparison.
• The bride/groom should cry while speaking to their closest family and friends, real big tears. This will cause other people to cry, because crying is contagious and then later you can all laugh about how silly you were.
• It has been suggested that some sort of action also take place: a person jumping through a window, a fight between two relatives, or an angry ex-boyfriend/girlfriend should appear unexpectedly.

The Ceremony

• When walking up the aisle be sure to pause every three or four feet. When you do this look to the left and smile, then pause, then look to the right and smile. This will assist the audience in their photography.
• Make sure that people can see you and hear you (but not smell you, no smelling should occur – tasting and feeling can be okay, depending on the wedding). I expect to hear your vows, not just a few muffled noises.
• Icelandic wedding tradition requires that all females sit on one side of the room and all men on the other. This is good when one side of the marriage equation doesn’t actually have any friends or family and the whole place looks unbalanced (it is more likely the gender balance will be even). Plus this gives the whole place the feel of an awkward middle school dance.
• I expect the priest to ask if anyone has any reason they should not be wed. If this doesn’t happen you are sure some in the audience feels like they are missing their chance to stand up and make a scene. Plus movies equal reality.
• Something planned by the bride/groom should happen that no one else knows about. Remember you are in control. It is your day. It is your day.

Creating Perfection

• Hire a designer! (Unless you think you are good enough yourself, which you likely are not.) Allow them to define the look and feel of the entire event. This should start at the invitations and carry over to the program, the decor, the style of the cake.
• Contrast in outfits. The bride/groom should provide complete contrast. If the bride wants to wear an all black dress than the groom should be in an entirely white tux, if the opposite is true I expect the groom to be wearing a black shirt with his black suit – fear not, it is fashionable.
• Speaking of, white dresses overrated. It was cool when Queen Victoria did it – but I completely support anyone who plans on choosing an outfit that they can wear again. This was how it was done a century ago and it is not a bad idea.
• Priests are also overrated, and break the color contrast by standing between the bride and groom. Tell him/her to stand off to the side if you feel he/she is necessary at all.
• A dress code should be given for the guests. I recommend the following: Jeans for all men, shirts should all be white, red, or black, ties are allowed but also should remain white, red, or black – quiet patterns are acceptable; for the women, dresses or jeans and fancy shirts, again recommended colors are white, red, and black, however pink is also acceptable. Black or white pants are acceptable instead of jeans, however jeans are encouraged, they give good texture.

At some point, and maybe in a future post I will explain why and when people should get married. Remember, marriage may not be for you. If you are a hipster or even a bit indie you might not want to get married, because marriage is currently not “cool.” Also if you are gay, you probably don’t want to get married right now because you likely can’t and even if you do it might not count later. If you like to use the term “living in sin” you might not want to get married because it is really fun to say, and if you do the marriage thing you will only be able to use it to recount the good old days. Plus divorce can be messy and is even harder to pull off in style.

In conclusion, your wedding is going to be remembered in photographs, videos, and its internet presence. Many of these suggestions will help make these lasting memories in media turn out better. It is also important to remember to have good lighting, food that will not be too messy. I recommend hiring at least two photographers (or a team) and do exactly as they say. I also recommend having some sort of raffle or prize, which will convince people to stay longer at the reception (especially if the prize is good). This way the reception will have a decisive ending and not people leaving from the moment dinner is over. Plus who wants to spend four hours saying goodbye to each guest as they get bored in turn. A striking conclusion the evening will leave a lasting impact on those who have attended such a celebration, and will further convince them that your wedding is better than theirs could ever be.

There are things that are given in this universe that do not fit together. For instance we must discuss the square peg (side length = L) and the circular hole (hole radius = .5L), which specifically lends us a peg that will not fit into its hole. The peg is not going in. There is nothing we can do about this. Possibly we must find another piece that will fit. Perhaps we could find another socket that will match our current rectangular prism.

But really this is a problem of expectations. Why did we think that these two should go together. We are intrinisically looking for combinations, for pairs, for matchings. We want order. We want regimented logic and discipline and it doesn’t always exist.

What if the puzzle has no solution?

There are puzzles across the internet that have levels, one web page leads to the next, each with a question, each with an answer. They are linear and logical, there are sites that provide cheats for those stuck on certain levels. There is no progressional evolution, there is no chance that one portion may be incorrect, there is no uncertainty in the results. Everything is binary, nothing is probabilistic.

I encourage you to be more open, to question why you think the block and the corridor should be related. I encourage you to question the boundaries of the questions and their answers, did you learn everything you were meant to, could you have pushed the question further, to an answer that meant more than a string of characters in a password field?

I invite you to imagine the possibilites, and to check back for my answer, in one week.

This is his first love song

In a time of loneliness
I fell into your strong open arms
And in those arms you loved me well
You hid me in your calm

And in that calm we headed south
Knowing nothing of my demons

There were devils in the winds that night
Walking fire among the hills
And many voices called me out to the cliffs
But you held me safe
You wrestled me still

Wiping the black blood from my mouth
Speeding into nowhere

It starts in Penzance where the winds are born
And follows the track of this train
And just like this love coming back for you
It will come back for me again

“What a beautiful town!”
I shouted out.
Oh, but what a terrifying view..
You know I wrestled with my bruised hours
Just to lie there next to you

Deep in the dark heart of the south
Speeding into nowhere

My love, Come stop me
I am haunted and possessed
And with my darkest hour yet to come
It’s only you, only you can stop me

Come back to Penzance where the winds are born
Just follow the tracks of this trains
And just like this love calling out for you
It is calling me out again…

So come stop me
Only you can stop me
Stop me
Now